
(Simon decided he wanted to work in Japan for a year, so we let him)
Average day
6:00am Wake up with intense bleary-eyed confusion and briefly try to figure out what country I'm in. It takes sufficiently long that I figure I must still be jet-lagged. After six months.
7:00am Wake up again. Fall out of the futon onto the floor – it's not a big drop, thankfully. Breakfast is last-night's leftover rice with green tea poured over it if I'm feeling particularly native, croissant and black coffee if I'm not.
8:00am The subway. Every stereotype is true, it turns out. The sardine can-like train cars, the men with white gloves squeezing more and more people onto an already over-crowded train, the bored commuters who've seen this a thousand times before. What you don't get from the photos of the Tokyo subway, though, is exactly how it feels to be so close to all these strangers. The Japanese have a similar stand-offish, distanced demeanour to the British in every circumstance except the subways. Best advice is to just concentrate on the overhead adverts playing on the on-train TVs and not think too hard about whether you're bracing yourself against a warm seat or an overweight salaryman.
A testament to how safe Tokyo is, though, is the fact that you never once worry about the wallet in your back pocket or leaving your bag open. It's a bit of an overstatement to say that there's no crime but when the central Lost and Found depot has a desk that deals solely with the ¥5,000 (£20) and ¥10,000 (£40) notes that are handed in every day, you know you're relatively secure.
9:00am Still on the subway.
9:30am The hardest thing to remember about living in Japan is – prepare for a surprising revelation – it's Japan. Now, this may seem blatantly obvious to anyone reading this but when you're sitting in Starbucks drinking a latte while the overly sweet smells waft in from Lush every time someone opens the door, watching cars drive past outside (on the left side of the road, no less), it's easy to forget. Then a buddhist monk walks past and you're brought back to reality.
10:00am Start work in the office. It's exactly the same as any other office anywhere else in the world except the vending machines carry nothing but green tea. Really, that's the only difference. Working at GMT+9 is turning out to be really handy. If we receive a set of amends in the Edinburgh office at 5.30pm, we don't need to stay late to get them finished, they just get sent over here and they're done by 9am.
12:00 noon Lunch for everyone except me. The standard lunch hour in Japan is 12:00-13:00. Or, more precisely, 12:00-12:10 and then everyone gets back to work quickly. I'm working slightly different hours so that the end of my day overlaps with the beginning of the day in the Edinburgh office so I don't break until 14:00.
2:00pm Lunch of onigiri (balls of rice stuffed with various things and wrapped in sheets of seaweed) and miso (fermented soy beans) soup. Very tasty.
6:00pm Working day starts in Edinburgh. We have team meetings weekly and I appear as a disembodied head and shoulders via the power of video conferencing. One day, I'm going to have to set up lights so I appear as a silhouette and start off with "Good morning, Angels."
6.30pm Start the commute back home. Even though I'm working slightly different hours to the average Tokyo salaryman, it's still rush hour. As far as I can tell, the morning rush runs 6am-12 noon and the evening rush is 12 noon-12 midnight. Then the trains stop for the night.
9.00pm Dinner (sushi) while watching TV. If you've ever seen Clive James or Chris Tarrant showing clips of insane Japanese TV programmes, you'll already be familiar with about 90% of the TV schedule. The rest is adverts for those same shows.
11:30pm Crawl into bed knowing I'll be waking up with the same continental confusion tomorrow morning.
5 handy tips for living in Japan
1: Buy a furoshiki (carrying cloth) and learn how to use it.
2: Don't blow your nose in public. No, really. Don't.
3: Buy a Pasmo pre-paid train card as soon as you arrive – it saves a lot of confusion over ticket fares. Also, they have a nice website
4: If you hear a bike bell ringing behind you, jump quickly out of the way.
5: If in doubt, smile and bow.